Stop Coping I’m fucking everything

Some of my guy friends like to cry their eyes out about how hard the world is for them. They workout they’re tall they make a couple dollars. Woe is them they say this sad dating market. If only Hinge didn’t exist. If only they married the one girl who liked them. If only the world was arranged slightly different at a molecular level then they would be who they should be.

I’ve been getting pussy since before I even knew what it is. I’ve been endowed with plenty of gifts, but none more than anyone else, save my generous heart and my wit. Both trained as a muscle regardless.

If I have to listen to one more guy I know cry about women I’m hitting them like of mice and men (forgive my literary references I’m functionally illiterate). Grow up. Every girl wants to be approached and fucked. They don’t even care what you look like despite what the world leads you to believe. They barely even care what you say to them. They’re mysterious creatures and I’m not going to pretend I understand them. But I understand this: we’re all pretty close to each other it doesn’t take much to get a little bit closer. Happy Valentine’s Day I’m gonna leave with something tonight or I’m gonna throw up on my shoes.