Resourceful Humans

I’ve never done anything wrong in my life. But I have drawn the ire of HR professionals, Compliance Managers, assistant principals, and men who are too close with their moms, for time immemorial.

Thus it’s perfect that God has deigned me important enough to come to the country’s biggest HR conference and drum up some business. While the good lord didn’t think to make me smart enough to not have to be a salesman, he at least gave me the ability to chat with people and intrigue them.

Here’s what checking in at an HR conference is like: there are a few dozen women doing the job that 4 men could reasonably do if the system was better. They send you between each other as they are very scared of having a sponsor at whatever tier I’m at get my badge printed by the wrong individual. Unfortunately only one of them is competent and so everyone is being funneled to her. The line to see the one woman in HR who can make an executive decision such as printing out a small badge is very long. When you inquire why she’s the only one who can do it given there’s a dozen badge printers they explain in so many words that she’s the only person who’s not under fucked or otherwise so jaded that she’s still able to do a job in a way that’s useful to people who rely on said job.

Once you’re in and badged the fun begins. I am one of 20 guys here there are a few thousand women. I’ve been getting a ton of pussy in the city lately and they smell it on me. Lots of time wasters in here to find a few key decision makers. The smell the desperation. They know I’m here for them. They want to pretend they’re here to learn about AI. These are the people who AI won’t replace. They have cocooned themselves in bureaucracy and gatekeepers and languages and codes that no robot can rip off. They’re eager to replace their recruiters with AI. There’s no one they hate more in their companies than the hot young women who bring in talent. They hate when people join the firm.

I’ve only just arrived and I’ve decamped to a craps table. The minimums are too high at the casino this conference is at. I don’t care if I lose every cent I can only breathe the poison for so long. Out of one into another. No respite for me. My buddy got me a table at ███████ tonight. I’m gonna eat Molly and see if one of the bottle girls will jack me off. I’m gonna end up texting a girl I should be avoiding texting when I’m fucked up. It’s too new. Like a raw wound she should be left alone until the bleeding stops.